Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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