That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
