I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
