so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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