How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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