My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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