Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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