he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
