Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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