in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
