god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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