Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
