Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
