Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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