D3 body, D1 cock
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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