I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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