sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
