Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
