someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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