cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Randomize
