I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
