you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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