I smell stomach acid.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
