I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You dont lie about slip and slides
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
