You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize