no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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