Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize