why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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