if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
