I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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