haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Randomize