seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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