i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
