alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize