i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
