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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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