i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize