I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
