All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
