I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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