make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
And then he peed in my hair
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