so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
