yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
