11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
