Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
