Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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