Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
