after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
