Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
