We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
