I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
