Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
