the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
well you can't waste a boner
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
