At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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