On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
