We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
