The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
