I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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